This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I can't turn off my feet"
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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