All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
