The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
zippers are such a cool invention
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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