I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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