you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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