some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
