I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
