you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize