He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Do vagina's smell?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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