Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
