she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
