I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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