The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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