I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
