i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
