Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
