i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
