An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize