suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
