youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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