Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You're like the curious george of whores
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
