I want to make a zoo with you.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Randomize
