just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
