Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize