Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I need a beard to bite.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize