I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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