Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
