Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
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