Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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