Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I cut my penus on the lid.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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