How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
