i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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