It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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