if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Only a mothe r could love this liver
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
