well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
