Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
