I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
