woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
the day after is always just damage control
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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