if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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