I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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