he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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