I'm lost and stupid without you.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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