walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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