All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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