i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
