It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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