we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
