where am i from again
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Shame - the story of my life.
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