Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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