All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
