Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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