Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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