Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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