when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
