He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
