Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
