Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
