omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
