Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
