wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
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