Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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