Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
