i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
