ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
