Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
