it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
