Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
