I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
