I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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