just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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