I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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