Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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