I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
how does that bad decision feel?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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