i just google imaged poop.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
