Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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