Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
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