Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
