hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
